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Where We Went Wrong: DVD Commentary
I um. I'm going to be really nerdy right now and give like, behind the scenes / special commentary for my story, Where We Went Wrong (Super Junior, Kyuhyun/Yesung, R.) Not just because it's about 36,000 words, but also because I actually put a LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT. And, you know, I rarely put any thought into my stories at all (jk, jk). But anyways, I just thought people might be interested... and I'm a total geek so I like talking about my stories. /narcissist
I... don't know where to start, actually.
PLANNING
The idea for this story rooted itself into my brain, I think, sometime during mid February. Mind, I was working on my olymfic at that point even though I had a major, major writer's block, so I didn't even think about writing it then. Plus, I was sort of like "What if I don't finish this?!?!" since I have tons of Kyusung WIPs chillin in my hard drive, and I also have tons of Kyusung handwritten WIPs somewhere, and on top of that, I have loads of other long Kyusung fic wandering around my brain and my story-idea-and-sorting-out notebook... which is somewhere in my house, I dunno. Anyways, so the first thought I had about the story was "Kyuhyun and Jongwoon live in the same apartment after Super Junior breaks up"... I wrote that in my phone, I think, and saved that as a draft (lol, I do that.)
I ended up starting it in late February, anyways, though I think at that point most of my writer's block was wearing off (lol I make it sound like an illness... or something) and I was in the mood for writing angst anyways... so I basically worked on it for the weeks of March, which basically explains why I actually accomplished no other writing throughout March, except for a genfic which I posted anyways because I was supposed to be on hiatus). I didn't slave over it or work on it too hard, I mostly just wrote it. I also outlined a lot of it on my phone with more drafts, since I do that, and this is basically what they said (in order):
[writes first few scenes]
[writes and works on more, needs more scenes]
[writing the part where they're ~fucking~]
SO as you can see, not EVERYTHING went according to plan, but most of it did so yeah :D
(And you see how my textspeak is, lol. At least when I'm texting... even though I can't actually text people, but you know. This reads like a badfic XDD)
I wrote the part up to where they were fucking to the end of March, then withdrew from my writer's block and working on this and started writing other stuff for February, cough cough. Originally I had no idea how long this was going to be, though I definitely had an idea that it was going to be very long. The story covers a span of three years - starts around winter 2017; rain scene is in spring of 2018, Kyuhyun leaves because Jongwoon's being clingy around fall 2018, Kyuhyun comes back three weeks later (or something like that) still in fall 2018, Kyuhyun leaves for the second time around mid March 2019, Jongwoon moves to Changhung around August 2019, the Super Junior reunion is about January 2020. So yeah o.o It's pretty long all right. Not my longest story.... but my second longest story.
Resumed writing this around the first of June, and finished the last 12,000 words over the span of a few days. And then voila. After a few edits, it was done :D
SPECIFICS
I came up with the title as soon as I wrote the second scene of this story. It seemed to fit, really - I don't know if it was because I was listening to it on iTunes at the moment, or I just thought of it... I might have thought of it while I was writing the text drafts on my phone. That might be it. It fit well, because Kyuhyun and Jongwoon were doing such wrong things together - not confronting each other, taking their relationship for granted, leaving and being a coward, etc. They made loads of mistakes in this story, and that's mostly what I was trying to convey with the title. And the song made me think about beaches (mostly "we set the wrong course / and headed due north" = ships, in my head) which is why I chose for Jongwoon to have a lot of dreams about standing on the beach.
Speaking of those dreams, I... well, it was sort of a cliche thing to pull, for dreams being symbols and all. It was also supposed to be foreshadowing, and also noting that even though Jongwoon "had" Kyuhyun right now, it didn't really have him, and he was waiting for Kyuhyun to stop being secretive and not being himself and just running away and just to come to him. They eventually turn into nightmares after the second time Kyuhyun leaves (Jongwoon didn't have the dreams after the first time Kyuhyun left, mind you), because that's when it strikes him hardest and he realizes that he's waiting for Kyuhyun. It's... cliche, lol, I know. But in case you're wondering, in my mind for the story, after the end, Jongwoon doesn't have the dream anymore :'D
What I was also really trying to put in this story, with the first conflict between Jongwoon and Kyuhyun (there are three, total), is about Super Junior and how much it means to them. As I wrote in my notes above, I imagine that Jongwoon would try to bring Super Junior back and be hopelessly nostalgic, while Kyuhyun would just push it away even though Super Junior would always be in a part of his mind. Eventually they don't get over it, but they learn to let it go and not be afraid to reminisce, but they don't have it anymore... which I probably said at some point in the story, lol. I don't think I specified the exact year/time Super Junior broke up in the universe of my fic, but they've been living with each other for quite a while before the whole thing started. I wanted to formulate some sort of routine they went through every day / week / month (Jongwoon getting the mail, eating out but not together (though eventually they do), Jongwoon getting the newspaper, etc.) that showed that they're acquaintances but not quite friends, yet. I think I was intending for a lot of things to happen, though I'm not sure if they were completely successful... you'll have to tell me :3
The sex and the beating off - um, I don't know if this is completely necessary to be said, but since they're grown men and people in general just have sexual tendencies, I envisioned the masturbating to be pretty realistic; Jongwoon would have to relieve himself sometime, right? And it's sort of the same thing that goes with Kyuhyun and Jongwoon sexin' it up together - even though homosexuality is sort of seen negatively by a lot of South Koreans (I can't say for sure, since, you know, I'm not South Korean nor have I been to South Korea) it's still there and there isn't an impossibility that Jongwoon/Kyuhyun aren't gay. And since they're both guys and sexual beings and live with each other... yeah. You know.
The part where Kyuhyun goes to his family for Christmas - I added that because I wanted Jongwoon to realize how he is when Kyuhyun's not around. Since Kyuhyun's not a huge part of his life but he's still a part of his life, when Kyuhyun's gone, he would notice it and feel uncomfortable and whatnot. I think I "told" a lot more than one should, rather than how much I "showed"... I do hope it worked well, though, since I felt it was a bit necessary... the same way I put Jongwoon on crutches. I wanted Kyuhyun to come back to him for a little bit (after Kyuhyun was mad at him for mentioning Super Junior), but then to be quickly snatched away again. It lets Jongwoon realize how much he needs Kyuhyun with him, if at least a little bit.
If you asked me the hardest scene to write in this story, it's probably the first time when Jongwoon and Kyuhyun actually fight - when Jongwoon's singing Super Junior songs and Kyuhyun totally blows up at him. Not because it's a horrible scene - I actually love writing horrible scenes lmao - but because the dialogue was super difficult. As well as their narration. Their reactions, their exclamations, everything. I had to add and tweak it numerous times even when I was well past that part, and then when I was writing Jongwoon being depressed after Kyuhyun left him for the second time, and then even after I finished. It was super, super hard and I was so relieved when Jongwoon just finally high-tailed it out of there and started coming to his senses about how much he needed/had Kyuhyun, lol. Sighs fight scenes are so hard for me XD
The scenes after that - when Jongwoon and Kyuyhun are happy together as platonic friends - were mostly bits of fluff to fill, but also references for me to use for when after Kyuyhun leaves for the second time, and Jongwoon's constantly reminded by Kyuhyun even though he doesn't want to think about him. Oh, and the idea for:
was basically completely inspired by the end of some story of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
doumyoujitsukas's... I can't remember which one... nor can I find it BUT IT WAS ONE OF THEM I SWEAR.
I made Jongwoon write his own songs because I always saw him as a very confident person, whereas Kyuhyun can sing and play piano and clarinet and do stuff, but just not make them for himself. I... don't really know why, but I felt like it worked. Also, like I said in my author's note for the story, I know really very little about the kpop music industry (much less the music industry in general); I asked it on an anonymous meme before but it didn't help too much :\ I guessed on how the work days were and what solo artists did - Kyuhyun and Jongwoon had smaller careers after Super Junior since they don't want too much fame anymore after for so long, but still well-paying and decent, especially because they used to be in a band. That's mostly how I did their careers, though I didn't mention too much in the beginning (because I wasn't as familiar, lol) that also part of Jongwoon's job was performing. I think I made it seem like he did nothing but write and record all day, and hang around at the office with his manager, but they did travel to places around Seoul to perform... yes, yes, deleted scene and all that.
So anyways. Basically when they start shagging (lol me), it was really hard because I wanted to make each scene different and significant in some way, except writing sex has always been the same for me so I needed ot make each scene unique. And the scenes in between - where they're only friends and they don't discuss their relationship or do anything super relationship-y (and they never do, by the way; it's sort of "slice of life" ish) were also difficult, because they were definitely just more ammunition for me to use when Kyuhyun leaves, but I couldn't make them too unrealistic or completely random, associate them in some way. The fact that I knew the timeline when the whole thing was happening was super useful, because then I just did situational/seasonal scenes (e.g. going to the beach in the summer, Jongwoon's birthday) - also, realistic points with the cutting of hair and stuff.
I have to say that my favorite shagging scene is probably:
I also hope I made the top!Kyuhyun super obvious, heh.
I'm sorely tempted to write a Kyuhyun!POV version of this story, except I suck at changing POVs for the same story so I'm definitely not going to. I like to imagine that during the parts where Kyuhyun's gone - his career is probably similar to Jongwoon's, though maybe with more performances - the first time he stayed with a Super Junior member, the second time he actually left. He went on a plane to Tokyo with his manager and everything and continued on with his career, performing and calling his parents and keeping in touch with the Super Junior members(! he does, actually. He gets in touch with the SJ members in the fic (in my mind, though I never said it and implied very little >>;;) sometime during when they're still platonic friends, but he doesn't tell Jongwoon because either a) he's too afraid to, b) he doesn't know how Jongwoon will react, c) he's selfish or d) he doesn't want him to know). I sort of hinted to that Kyuhyun would be leaving when Jongwoon goes to Kyuhyun's work place and sees the cardboard boxes - that's the company being packed up because they're already planning to leave for Tokyo. It's just that Kyuhyun never told Jongwoon about it.
With when Kyuhyun leaves, Jongwoon realizes ~things that he's never realized before, details about the world and living and all of that. It was... sort of an excuse for me to dump my own thoughts through my own writing, to be honest, because a lot of what I wrote at that point is what I believe. Like, um, The economy. Politics. Murder. Scandals. It’s all the same, just different. With different people, different endings. Still the same. And like I wrote in my text'd notes, I tried to do a bitter tone about everything... I do hope that worked, too XD
I threw in Yewook friendship because I could! And because I'm slightly biased, lol. Kyusung is totally my OTP, but where's the Yewook these days? ;__; lol anyways I wrote the outline for that scene (and generally for when Jongwoon was alone) longhand in my June notebook... so yeah. And then it's done ♥
THEMES
The main reason I wrote this was because a) I love canon fanfiction (because it means that IT COULD BE TRUE not that it is but it /could/ be), b) Kyuhyun/Yesung is my OTP, obviously and c) longfic is amazing. Combine it all and you have this, although like I said before, I wanted to add genfic sorts of things (i.e. love of/among Super Junior) and also not address the homosexuality issue while making it an issue, anyways. And the "love" issue. And the friendship. I love writing the friendship.
The other theme that I really wanted to address was the idea of home, since at first their apartment was Jongwoon's 'home' because it was the place he woke up and the place he went to sleep, and he was okay with it at first. It was Kyuhyun's, too, so they shared a home but it wasn't their home. It was Kyuhyun's and Jongwoon's. Then later it doesn't become a home when things are tense with the whole Super Junior thing, and then it turns into a real home when they reciprocate. It's not really anything when Kyuhyun leaves because then Jongwoon's not familiar with the idea of a home, and when they start fucking it's sort of like home again. But when Kyuhyun leaves permanently for the second time, Jongwoon doesn't have a home anymore - it's sort of why I wrote that he moved to Changhung, so that even though he has a new 'home', it's not really a home and wherever he moved, it wouldn't be a home. I... might had told that at some point, in the narrative. Anyways, that's why I made the last line the last line - because then they finally, finally have a real home together and everything is all happy and yay.
I... might have added a little bit of references to my life. Can't really remember them, although I do own a pink stuffed elephant which was generally what I imagined Jongwoon's stuffed animal to be. Um, one of my friends likes doing the dishes a lot? (He really does, that's where I got the idea for that one scene oTL) I think I got my haircut the day I wrote the scene where they got a haircut. I was on crutches on last year and was dying to write a story in which a character was on crutches (lol me). So yeah... my realism is based off of real life. Sorta. Woot /o/
I... don't know where to start, actually.
PLANNING
The idea for this story rooted itself into my brain, I think, sometime during mid February. Mind, I was working on my olymfic at that point even though I had a major, major writer's block, so I didn't even think about writing it then. Plus, I was sort of like "What if I don't finish this?!?!" since I have tons of Kyusung WIPs chillin in my hard drive, and I also have tons of Kyusung handwritten WIPs somewhere, and on top of that, I have loads of other long Kyusung fic wandering around my brain and my story-idea-and-sorting-out notebook... which is somewhere in my house, I dunno. Anyways, so the first thought I had about the story was "Kyuhyun and Jongwoon live in the same apartment after Super Junior breaks up"... I wrote that in my phone, I think, and saved that as a draft (lol, I do that.)
I ended up starting it in late February, anyways, though I think at that point most of my writer's block was wearing off (lol I make it sound like an illness... or something) and I was in the mood for writing angst anyways... so I basically worked on it for the weeks of March, which basically explains why I actually accomplished no other writing throughout March, except for a genfic which I posted anyways because I was supposed to be on hiatus). I didn't slave over it or work on it too hard, I mostly just wrote it. I also outlined a lot of it on my phone with more drafts, since I do that, and this is basically what they said (in order):
Kyusung post suju
live together in a small apartment at the corner of seoul
mostly q objective perspective
keep in touch with all the members but sung doesnt rly care
together bc they sing but not as a duet
Always found together tho
relationship is vry brief
[writes first few scenes]
They dont talk anymore. Well they do but not really...
Relationship eventually falls apart even tho theyre living with each other
doesnt really feel like home anymore...
Because of the super junior thing
kyuhyuns problem is that he cant let sj go (is why he calls him yesung) and has been trying to avoid it
jongwoons problem is that hes trying to bring back something thats already gone - both have their problems
q says well if u miss them so much go find someone else to stay with
jw stomps out of building angrily at this
q runs out after him
leave while its raining n tells him not to leave...
Qsung sing together!
After run out feels like everything repaired but it's not...
They do end up having sex lul
somehow theyve both managed to let go of super junior but cant rely on each other yet.
What does this make them?
One night jongwoon has a nightmare (or is cold?) n goes to qs room n falls asleep n.n kyuhyun ends up randomly leaving. Jw is hurt at first but then he just gives up
Scenes at work with him acting weird, distracted
jongwoons always had this dream where hes standing at the edge of a beach, staring out at the ocean, perhaps waiting for someone to come back (finally understands the dream)
Continue fuqing n kissing but dont really have a relationship...
Jw slips up n says i love you (when its warranted and he cant say that to q, no not yet. Even tho hes always liked it, liked the way they touched and kissed and hug and knew, the way they just managed to fit into each other, somehow)
q likes running away from his problems >>
leaves but its different this time. All of qs stuff are still thar hope for him coming home now.
Jw knows what he had done...
Sings alone now!!!!!
Remember to mention ddangkoma! Lol
makes meals by himself... References to when q had been there
ends up crying eventually (dont explain his feelings. Show don't tell)
bitter tone :I
bc after sleeping he ends up kissing q on the cheek on the lips n q doesnt make a move to push him away but he doesn't respond
he lets it happen....
Jw thinks q will come back at first
gets a call from siwon one day... Awk.
Q comes back soon enough jw gets mad that he had left n yells at him. (apparently sw had been qs doing).
Tells jw abt how he has been acting 'needy'.
Jw had thought it felt natural xD
Prev events w sj had made them friends again!
Q says laughs and says just bc they had been in a boy band dosnt mean that hes gay and teases jw for have gotten to the fanservice
jw tells/asks him to try it just once
so their lips meet. And then their hands do... Implied sex :I
q wakes up before him. Jw wakes up to his body aching, and then an impossibly cold bed.
Q is sleeping in his room. Jw leaves him alone.
when he comes home he sees a note bc q says he'll come home n that he shouldnt worry
starts calling jw jw instead of ys :D
jw smiles at the note
They just kind of fallapart
dream?
Q keeps in touch with the others
Waits for q to come home
keeps waiting...
Stays up late waiting for him
wonders about him ;; (abt first time)
second time theres nothing left
blah blah gives up n stuff
meet again eventually n hug n says lets go home (ambiguous ending)
learns that its for career n he has to leave too...
No copeout ending gdi
[writes and works on more, needs more scenes]
Jw goes to the gym (with q?)
make the part where he's alone with q longer XD
Jw hears noises from the background n sees n hears q jcking off.
Knows its a bad thing to watch (discreetly mention). Only does it once but cant forget about it; the next time he beats off he thinks of q ><
[writing the part where they're ~fucking~]
BITTER TONE :I
one or two more january scenes
feb - qs bday, three other scenes
one march scene before q randomly leaves
retrace the past; make references to when q had been there (a lot lol ;;) n see other notes...
n yeah \o/
SO as you can see, not EVERYTHING went according to plan, but most of it did so yeah :D
(And you see how my textspeak is, lol. At least when I'm texting... even though I can't actually text people, but you know. This reads like a badfic XDD)
I wrote the part up to where they were fucking to the end of March, then withdrew from my writer's block and working on this and started writing other stuff for February, cough cough. Originally I had no idea how long this was going to be, though I definitely had an idea that it was going to be very long. The story covers a span of three years - starts around winter 2017; rain scene is in spring of 2018, Kyuhyun leaves because Jongwoon's being clingy around fall 2018, Kyuhyun comes back three weeks later (or something like that) still in fall 2018, Kyuhyun leaves for the second time around mid March 2019, Jongwoon moves to Changhung around August 2019, the Super Junior reunion is about January 2020. So yeah o.o It's pretty long all right. Not my longest story.... but my second longest story.
Resumed writing this around the first of June, and finished the last 12,000 words over the span of a few days. And then voila. After a few edits, it was done :D
SPECIFICS
I came up with the title as soon as I wrote the second scene of this story. It seemed to fit, really - I don't know if it was because I was listening to it on iTunes at the moment, or I just thought of it... I might have thought of it while I was writing the text drafts on my phone. That might be it. It fit well, because Kyuhyun and Jongwoon were doing such wrong things together - not confronting each other, taking their relationship for granted, leaving and being a coward, etc. They made loads of mistakes in this story, and that's mostly what I was trying to convey with the title. And the song made me think about beaches (mostly "we set the wrong course / and headed due north" = ships, in my head) which is why I chose for Jongwoon to have a lot of dreams about standing on the beach.
Speaking of those dreams, I... well, it was sort of a cliche thing to pull, for dreams being symbols and all. It was also supposed to be foreshadowing, and also noting that even though Jongwoon "had" Kyuhyun right now, it didn't really have him, and he was waiting for Kyuhyun to stop being secretive and not being himself and just running away and just to come to him. They eventually turn into nightmares after the second time Kyuhyun leaves (Jongwoon didn't have the dreams after the first time Kyuhyun left, mind you), because that's when it strikes him hardest and he realizes that he's waiting for Kyuhyun. It's... cliche, lol, I know. But in case you're wondering, in my mind for the story, after the end, Jongwoon doesn't have the dream anymore :'D
What I was also really trying to put in this story, with the first conflict between Jongwoon and Kyuhyun (there are three, total), is about Super Junior and how much it means to them. As I wrote in my notes above, I imagine that Jongwoon would try to bring Super Junior back and be hopelessly nostalgic, while Kyuhyun would just push it away even though Super Junior would always be in a part of his mind. Eventually they don't get over it, but they learn to let it go and not be afraid to reminisce, but they don't have it anymore... which I probably said at some point in the story, lol. I don't think I specified the exact year/time Super Junior broke up in the universe of my fic, but they've been living with each other for quite a while before the whole thing started. I wanted to formulate some sort of routine they went through every day / week / month (Jongwoon getting the mail, eating out but not together (though eventually they do), Jongwoon getting the newspaper, etc.) that showed that they're acquaintances but not quite friends, yet. I think I was intending for a lot of things to happen, though I'm not sure if they were completely successful... you'll have to tell me :3
The sex and the beating off - um, I don't know if this is completely necessary to be said, but since they're grown men and people in general just have sexual tendencies, I envisioned the masturbating to be pretty realistic; Jongwoon would have to relieve himself sometime, right? And it's sort of the same thing that goes with Kyuhyun and Jongwoon sexin' it up together - even though homosexuality is sort of seen negatively by a lot of South Koreans (I can't say for sure, since, you know, I'm not South Korean nor have I been to South Korea) it's still there and there isn't an impossibility that Jongwoon/Kyuhyun aren't gay. And since they're both guys and sexual beings and live with each other... yeah. You know.
The part where Kyuhyun goes to his family for Christmas - I added that because I wanted Jongwoon to realize how he is when Kyuhyun's not around. Since Kyuhyun's not a huge part of his life but he's still a part of his life, when Kyuhyun's gone, he would notice it and feel uncomfortable and whatnot. I think I "told" a lot more than one should, rather than how much I "showed"... I do hope it worked well, though, since I felt it was a bit necessary... the same way I put Jongwoon on crutches. I wanted Kyuhyun to come back to him for a little bit (after Kyuhyun was mad at him for mentioning Super Junior), but then to be quickly snatched away again. It lets Jongwoon realize how much he needs Kyuhyun with him, if at least a little bit.
If you asked me the hardest scene to write in this story, it's probably the first time when Jongwoon and Kyuhyun actually fight - when Jongwoon's singing Super Junior songs and Kyuhyun totally blows up at him. Not because it's a horrible scene - I actually love writing horrible scenes lmao - but because the dialogue was super difficult. As well as their narration. Their reactions, their exclamations, everything. I had to add and tweak it numerous times even when I was well past that part, and then when I was writing Jongwoon being depressed after Kyuhyun left him for the second time, and then even after I finished. It was super, super hard and I was so relieved when Jongwoon just finally high-tailed it out of there and started coming to his senses about how much he needed/had Kyuhyun, lol. Sighs fight scenes are so hard for me XD
The scenes after that - when Jongwoon and Kyuyhun are happy together as platonic friends - were mostly bits of fluff to fill, but also references for me to use for when after Kyuyhun leaves for the second time, and Jongwoon's constantly reminded by Kyuhyun even though he doesn't want to think about him. Oh, and the idea for:
“I guess that’s true,” Kyuhyun says. “But that’s not a bad thing, right? Life with you is just as good.” He forks a piece of cake off from the cake in front of him and puts it in his mouth, before curling his lips toward Jongwoon. “Life couldn’t get better.”
“Life couldn’t get better indeed,” Jongwoon laughs again, and raises his fork over to Kyuhyun. “Cheers.”
was basically completely inspired by the end of some story of
doumyoujitsukas's... I can't remember which one... nor can I find it BUT IT WAS ONE OF THEM I SWEAR.I made Jongwoon write his own songs because I always saw him as a very confident person, whereas Kyuhyun can sing and play piano and clarinet and do stuff, but just not make them for himself. I... don't really know why, but I felt like it worked. Also, like I said in my author's note for the story, I know really very little about the kpop music industry (much less the music industry in general); I asked it on an anonymous meme before but it didn't help too much :\ I guessed on how the work days were and what solo artists did - Kyuhyun and Jongwoon had smaller careers after Super Junior since they don't want too much fame anymore after for so long, but still well-paying and decent, especially because they used to be in a band. That's mostly how I did their careers, though I didn't mention too much in the beginning (because I wasn't as familiar, lol) that also part of Jongwoon's job was performing. I think I made it seem like he did nothing but write and record all day, and hang around at the office with his manager, but they did travel to places around Seoul to perform... yes, yes, deleted scene and all that.
So anyways. Basically when they start shagging (lol me), it was really hard because I wanted to make each scene different and significant in some way, except writing sex has always been the same for me so I needed ot make each scene unique. And the scenes in between - where they're only friends and they don't discuss their relationship or do anything super relationship-y (and they never do, by the way; it's sort of "slice of life" ish) were also difficult, because they were definitely just more ammunition for me to use when Kyuhyun leaves, but I couldn't make them too unrealistic or completely random, associate them in some way. The fact that I knew the timeline when the whole thing was happening was super useful, because then I just did situational/seasonal scenes (e.g. going to the beach in the summer, Jongwoon's birthday) - also, realistic points with the cutting of hair and stuff.
I have to say that my favorite shagging scene is probably:
Kyuhyun’s head bows down and he goes in between Jongwoon’s thighs and then suddenly something is there, and Jongwoon doesn’t know if he should be pained or pleasured but he opens his mouth and makes a little sound. And apparently Kyuhyun takes this as a good thing because then his tongue is worming inside of Jongwoon and it’s different and it’s small and it’s difficult, but Jongwoon arches his back against Kyuhyun and he’s begging, he’s begging, “More, more.”
Kyuhyun gives him more. He’s always given more.
Jongwoon shudders and tries not to come at that exact moment, because it’s hard when Kyuhyun’s tongue is doing things it’s never done before and Jongwoon is pretty sure at one point he’s doing it all wrong because they’re so inexperienced; but when Kyuhyun’s eyes darken in lust and then they both come, Jongwoon doesn’t question anything. This feels too right.
I also hope I made the top!Kyuhyun super obvious, heh.
I'm sorely tempted to write a Kyuhyun!POV version of this story, except I suck at changing POVs for the same story so I'm definitely not going to. I like to imagine that during the parts where Kyuhyun's gone - his career is probably similar to Jongwoon's, though maybe with more performances - the first time he stayed with a Super Junior member, the second time he actually left. He went on a plane to Tokyo with his manager and everything and continued on with his career, performing and calling his parents and keeping in touch with the Super Junior members(! he does, actually. He gets in touch with the SJ members in the fic (in my mind, though I never said it and implied very little >>;;) sometime during when they're still platonic friends, but he doesn't tell Jongwoon because either a) he's too afraid to, b) he doesn't know how Jongwoon will react, c) he's selfish or d) he doesn't want him to know). I sort of hinted to that Kyuhyun would be leaving when Jongwoon goes to Kyuhyun's work place and sees the cardboard boxes - that's the company being packed up because they're already planning to leave for Tokyo. It's just that Kyuhyun never told Jongwoon about it.
With when Kyuhyun leaves, Jongwoon realizes ~things that he's never realized before, details about the world and living and all of that. It was... sort of an excuse for me to dump my own thoughts through my own writing, to be honest, because a lot of what I wrote at that point is what I believe. Like, um, The economy. Politics. Murder. Scandals. It’s all the same, just different. With different people, different endings. Still the same. And like I wrote in my text'd notes, I tried to do a bitter tone about everything... I do hope that worked, too XD
I threw in Yewook friendship because I could! And because I'm slightly biased, lol. Kyusung is totally my OTP, but where's the Yewook these days? ;__; lol anyways I wrote the outline for that scene (and generally for when Jongwoon was alone) longhand in my June notebook... so yeah. And then it's done ♥
THEMES
The main reason I wrote this was because a) I love canon fanfiction (because it means that IT COULD BE TRUE not that it is but it /could/ be), b) Kyuhyun/Yesung is my OTP, obviously and c) longfic is amazing. Combine it all and you have this, although like I said before, I wanted to add genfic sorts of things (i.e. love of/among Super Junior) and also not address the homosexuality issue while making it an issue, anyways. And the "love" issue. And the friendship. I love writing the friendship.
The other theme that I really wanted to address was the idea of home, since at first their apartment was Jongwoon's 'home' because it was the place he woke up and the place he went to sleep, and he was okay with it at first. It was Kyuhyun's, too, so they shared a home but it wasn't their home. It was Kyuhyun's and Jongwoon's. Then later it doesn't become a home when things are tense with the whole Super Junior thing, and then it turns into a real home when they reciprocate. It's not really anything when Kyuhyun leaves because then Jongwoon's not familiar with the idea of a home, and when they start fucking it's sort of like home again. But when Kyuhyun leaves permanently for the second time, Jongwoon doesn't have a home anymore - it's sort of why I wrote that he moved to Changhung, so that even though he has a new 'home', it's not really a home and wherever he moved, it wouldn't be a home. I... might had told that at some point, in the narrative. Anyways, that's why I made the last line the last line - because then they finally, finally have a real home together and everything is all happy and yay.
I... might have added a little bit of references to my life. Can't really remember them, although I do own a pink stuffed elephant which was generally what I imagined Jongwoon's stuffed animal to be. Um, one of my friends likes doing the dishes a lot? (He really does, that's where I got the idea for that one scene oTL) I think I got my haircut the day I wrote the scene where they got a haircut. I was on crutches on last year and was dying to write a story in which a character was on crutches (lol me). So yeah... my realism is based off of real life. Sorta. Woot /o/