the ruins left inside you: behind the scenes

[ceu]

I'm writing this during the technical anon period of this fic, since it was, for lack of better place, a Yuletide Madness treat. My recip adspexi and I matched on Jennifer's Body. And then I went to his Twitter and saw immediately that he's into danmei.

And it took like, one scroll down to see that he's also pretty invested in MDZS.

So instantly, I was like. Alright, I'm already going to write a Jennifer's Body fic. But also, what if. What if I just wrote a MDZS Jennfier's Body fusion? Don't know how, don't know who, don't know what, just. What if.

I let this thought get tossed around in my head for a while. Also I think I was in the middle of working on other fics at the time; assignments were given towards the end of October so I had time. In about the middle of November, I refreshed and saw a mutual - a friend retweet adspexi onto my TL, something 3zun related (I think??) so I DM'd this friend, who I will now expose as magicites, be like, yo, that's my Yuletide recip and we matched on Jennifer's Body and I was thinking of writing a MDZS Jennifer's Body AU for them???

And of course, magicites was like, fucking do it.

I was in the middle of NaNo, but I kept it in the back of my head for the next month, until of course I had to write my actual Yuletide fic. And then afterwards, when I was done with that, I sat down and was like, okay, now to think about the 3zun Jennifer's Body AU.

magicites helped me an entire afternoon to soundboard it. I knew I didn't want to echo the movie too similarly, so I definitely didn't want to do a high school/modern AU. And I thought it'd actually be really fun to try to weave it into canonverse.

And then after much discussion, I drew up a thing to figure out how to follow the plot beats of the movie while keeping it in canon. I've always said that I like outlining by hand, so. Here it is:




It's in columns because on the left column, I put the beats of Jennifer's Body I wanted to follow (not A Lot, as you can tell) and what my-fic equivalent of that that would be. Of course, I also added transitions to how to get from one point to the next, which is why the right side is so much more substantial. And also, I did fold it up although I realize the scan didn't really show the creases, lol. I wrote this all at work. I also scanned this all at work. My coworker saw me writing something while I was writing it and was like "what's that" and I was like "uhhhh a story idea" and she was like "lol dw I'm on Archive Of Our Own" but I managed to deflect the convo and she ended up telling me she reads Read Dead Redemption 2 fic. LOL.

After this, then I knew I just kinda had to... type out actually the trajectory of the plot. So I did that too.

Well, okay, this is what the note looks like right now after I finished it:



But for readability purposes, this is what the note says:



Accurate timestamps are accurate. Which... yeah. I'll get to that in a sec.

Like a crazy person, I started the fic that day. I was on my phone and just writing down ideas - I actually started with a scene I ended up scrapping, but was useful to me to write at the time to like, try to get where I was going. The magic of editing and beta reading! I'm not going to go into the cut scenes now, but for structure and flow purposes there's a lot of reasons why the first scene got stripped/shortened. But, it was a start, and then after a bit I also started to just flip-flop between my phone and my computer as my ideas came faster and the typos I made on my phone got really annoying.

Anyway, so.

Um.

I wrote 18k in 5 days.

Look, as I've said before: I thought this was going to be shorter, and then pacing happened. I'm such a time writer, it's ridiculous. But yeah, every so often I would get distracted by other things, like, Wangxian, Splatoon 2, normal stuff. And then I was like NO, write this monsterfic that will SLAP. And then when I wrote the hallucination scene with Wen Ruohan - I was at work (hilariously, again), and I was having SO MUCH FUN with it. And that made me realize that this fic was going to be worth it. It was going to slap, and it was going to be worth it.

The rough draft was rough. Honestly, I'll probably post it here eventually, just for fun B-Sides stuff. But it was really rough, and there's a lot of stuff that's cut out, stuff that's reworked. Because as soon as I finished the fic, on the night of the 23rd, I frantically messaged magicites being like, HI WHATS UR GMAIL.

And like a complete crazy person, she did three reads of this fic in two days which is absolutely NUTSO to me. I actually didn't expect to get this done for Madness, but somehow she/we did it. The first two reads were for major changes and notes and shit (the third was just the final polishing/smoothing one) - she left SO MANY NOTES, and after Yuletide opened on the 25th, I spent an hour or so responding to my own Yuletide gifts. Then I went to sleep, woke up, and spent the rest of the day going through her notes and making the changes accordingly. This took about 10 hours of doing literally nothing else, because I am also a crazy person.

I actually don't... have a clear amount of time I spent doing the edits, because I also asked for clarification/etc. on some of her notes and figured how to work shit out, rearrange stuff, get it to my liking, take all of her suggestions (which I'm pretty sure I agreed with 100%, I don't think there was a single change I rejected.) It was a process, one of those things where a standard writer for like, a 40k novel would take at the very least 2 weeks to do after receiving notes from their editor. (I actually don't know this, though, I know nothing about the formal publishing industry.) But this was 18k, and I needed to restructure/rewrite stuff, plus other adjustments for flow, since you can't just edit a scene and expect not to make some modifications before or after it so it reads cohesively. In my opinion, anyway.

Point is: It was nuts. It was bonkers. And I finished around 9pm on the 25th, poked magicites, she came back about an hour later to go over everything I added. I guess this actually kind of makes four reads - the first was an Overall read, second was Specific Areas You Could Do The Things I Suggested In Overall Feedback Plus Some, and this third one is the Alright Let's See What You Did read.

And yeah, it worked. It was way different from the first, much closer to the one that's up now. Obviously there were still more minor changes I needed to make, plus some characterization/plotty stuff we discussed as she went over it. And then I asked if she wouldn't mind doing a last read to make sure everything looked good, which... she didn't mind doing because she's crazy LMAO.

I should also add: necessarian my fandom wife etc. also was in the doc during magicites's second read/edit notes and also while I was making the changes, just poking at my sentences/paragraphs/word choice and whatnot. I only made her read it once because she doesn't go here, lmao. But also it was really wild because she started before magicites started giving me notes but since we lived in different timezones, had to stop... before JGS's death, I think? And she came back to the doc while I was in the middle of making all of my major changes - came back, actually, when I was editing past where she left off. So the second half of the fic she ended up reading was actually not what it was like originally, but with my edits - notably the last scene, which I originally had as JGY being mean/taunting before magicites was like, actually make him do a Youtube Crytyping Apology Video and I was like, oh, you're right. So necessarian never saw the argument/fight version of that, but only the Youtube Crytpying one.

(I did tell her this afterward LMAO but she didn't mention anything about a tone shift before I told her, which indicated to me that my edits shook out well.)

Anyway, there were a LOT of major changes I made from the original one. Like, okay, I'll just get into the specifics:

- The first scene was an explicit depiction of what happened to Meng Yao, how he got the demon into his body. magicites was like, no, don't do that, make it vague and creepy. And also suggested the point I should start (There's something in here with him. I added the actual first line to transition in a bit easier).

- Overall she told me to cut the explicit discussions from Meng Yao though - make it obvious that shit is up, but like, don't go into explaining it for dramatic effect. Make the reader feel creeped out and as confused as NMJ is. Plus, a theme that I later picked up on (and then later added in earlier, you know, for Theme Reasons) was NMJ's hallucinations and weird mental state due to Baxia/qi deviation stuff, so it's just fun to fuck with what he thinks is real or not real, plus, like, JGY eating people. Is he imagining it, or what?

- magicites also gave me ANOTHER great note which I'm just going to... put here:

i'm seeing a parallel between meng yao's bloodlust to survive and baxia's bloodlust for evil spirits to survive that i think you can emphasize. bc they have a psychic bond, that leaves this TERRIBLE question of if nmj's qi deviation is being accelerated bc of meng yao's bloodlust. and i think that's so fun. the parallel is gestured at a few times but i think you can make it more explicit

which I also agreed with 100%. Plus, like, alluding to the bond was NOT the easiest thing to do, since I didn't want either of them to be really, like, aware of it? The same way Jennifer and Needy were only vaguely aware of it, but even less than that. It was just a lot of fun to try to figure THIS out too, find the places (or just find the places that magicites marked) where I could thread that in, and thread in stuff about Baxia/qi deviation

- Another major edit was alluding to the ritual Meng Yao and Xue Yang did - I had no plans to do this, but magicites thought it might be best, even if in a vague sense, to hint actually what the fuck they did - and what the aftereffects were. I did it... you know, I think the best it could've been actually. LOL this is so vain of me to say but like, no, yeah, I did that exactly as it needed to be done lmao

- There was another running, and accurate theme to magicites's comments - I shouldn't show or describe what's happening to JGY's victims until NMJ sees it for himself. Originally, I had him remember what he did to the Langya commander in more detail. I also originally described what the Lanling guards found of Xue Yang's body in all its descriptive, gory detail. But it also just packs WAY more of a punch to the reader when they don't know, when they know something horrible is happening, that death is happening, and that's just frightening enough. Actually, magicites's notes about this specifically (this note was on the scene with JGS's body, but of course applies to the whole fic)

im gonna vouch again for never describing jgy's victims in detail UNTIL here, until we see it through nmj's eyes and it is TERRIFYING. OOOOH!!! ITD BE SO TASTY!!!

- (It's quite tasty.)

- One of the biggest edits was the end. Well - okay, yes, the transition from originally having them argue/fight/taunt each other, into JGY's Youtube Apology Video bit.

- But also, the original ending was a flashback - an "explanation" for the bond. magicites points out that it just kinda... floats? Especially since the bond isn't that explicitly stated. So she suggested instead that I should try to put it in bits and pieces throughout the fic, that JGY and NMJ had a thing when JGY was still at Qinghe Nie. (Sidenote: Since this is in novel 'verse, this is also still during the Sunshot Campaign, since the SSC is several years and not like, a month like it is in the live-action drama. In the novel, all of this - JGY joining Qinghe Nie, getting sent to Langya at NMJ's encouragement, getting caught, defecting to Wen Ruohan - is all during the SSC.) Which I did, and agree that it works better - it was actually more fun to hint at the bond and the flashbacky stuff instead of laying it out, whereas the ritual makes more sense to lay out than hint at. I'll also add this in my eventual "deleted scenes" post for this.

- The other "major" edit except it wasn't much of an edit because it didn't make it in - you can see on my outline that I intended to have a coda where they found WRH's body and little wrap up stuff with Wangxian and whatnot. But while I was writing this... well, okay, first of all it was already at 18k so I was like. Do I really want to write more. But the other thing was that... did this fic need it? Like a lot of this story was a fake fixit fic, but that was also kind of... a red herring. Did I need to bring it in? And like: I didn't. Because I think then that would make this story less about NMJ and JGY, less about JGY, less about bloodlust and power, and more about what this fic means in terms of canon divergence. And... no! It's fun. It's fun to make readers wonder what it means that Baxia is now afraid of this new thing inside NMJ. It's fun to make readers wonder how the rest of the world will play out. Anyway, yeah, suffer.

- Another... it's not major, technically, but it's a tiny bit more than minor, was that I had actually shown the scene of the conference, where they were talking about WWX. I had the dialogue for JGS lying and JGY defending him (adapted from the novel but reworded for the sake of fic purposes and also, like, writing), mostly because since NMJ didn't catch JGY killing the commander - that none of his doubt has concrete proof so he can still believe in him - I also had him openly speak out against JGY in this part, instead of keeping it to himself. But magicites said it'd be stronger without it, especially since the confrontation afterwards is the most important part of the actual scene, so I listened to her and my instincts and cut it as well. (And then smoothed over that part 'cause, you know. Writing.)

- Aaaand magicites also told me to lead into JGS's death - actually, there's a whole bit in there that wasn't there originally. From "It is not for lack of his presence" until Xichen says "A-Yao is stressed again," it was more of a transition bit of exposition rather than what is there now. And it was kind of a dull scene of NMJ and LXC talking about how JGS and JGY's relationship was feeling strained, talking about JGY mostly. It was boring - that'll be in the deleted scenes post, too.

Buuut magicites was like no! put JGS and JGY's straining relationship on screen! and I was like ok yes! and uh, wrote what's there now. Plus the bit from JGY just hinting that he's losing it - iirc, magicites's specific note was like "you could have a bit where JGY is getting more and more frustrated until he snaps and is like I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU OLD MAN" (paraphrasing, I'm too lazy to sift through the resolved comments) and I was like, oh yes, I know what to do about this.

- And the other major issue that was with this fic - that maybe some people might still consider an issue? but, like, isn't the point of the fic at the end of the day - was a bit less of Xichen, a bit less of the banter and, you know, stuff that makes you think that he should get together with NMJ at the least. I modified their conversation prior to JGS a lot more - took out the boring stuff, put in the fun, fluffy banter stuff - and modified the actual get together right after JGS's death (although that was a conversation flow issue more than anything; magicites had excellent notes on re-doing the beats for it, which are in the fic now).

And, most notably, is the scene before the last scene, before the major timeskip - starting with "The heat in his bed is not new." At this point, I needed a bit more Xichen, a bit more of the three of them together - but also, a bit more of a hint that JGY kind of, like, really wants to eat LXC. Like the NMJ part is already kinda there, hinted and threaded through (but he doesn't yet; doesn't know it's because of the bond.) But Xichen?? Accessible and yummy. So I made that whole scene and honestly was exceptionally proud of it because it was a pretty major addendum, despite being some several hundred words, and smooths over something that was a rather large bump there, before.

- I kept considering having NMJ express his doubts to LXC, but it never felt... right. Even when magicites was beta reading and considered it for a hot second, even she was like, nvm because it doesn't feel like NMJ in this fic. Because so much of this fic is NMJ's doubts and second guessing himself with literally no "proof," especially since he's super aware of how he's hallucinating things because of his qi deviation (and his unknown bond with JGY, of course) and he just. He knows he'll sound crazy. No one's going to believe him. So it felt better and more right having him struggle with everything by himself and not have LXC in the know and then LXC dies :-)

- Other minor edits that I do want to mention include: I had a more graphic description of NMJ's hallucincation of WRH but cut that down/out to make the JGS's body reveal that more terrifying; I originally had NMJ's CC duties stress him out more but magicites was like actually it'd make him chill and I was like, legit; and okay this isn't a detail but I do want to mention that while I did have JGY seduce a number of his victims (WRH and that dude during the Phoenix Mountain hunt, at least), I actually didn't intend to imply that he seduced his dad LMAO. In Jennifer's Body it's actually not implied that seduction is necessary for Jennifer's demon, but rather a commentary on how her sexuality is her strongest weapon, but the only thing she knows how to use.

Obviously that's... not as much so in JGY's case LMAO but I do think seduction/sex is a really easy way to make your victims vulnerable. Which was also a theme in Jennifer's Body - she seduced her two main victims (Jonas and Colin), but we can see it's not necessary (Ahmet, Needy, Chip tbh even though she tried.) The point is to get your victims vulnerable and then frightened, so if you're seducing them with the promise of pleasure, and then go on and inflict pain and terror on them, it makes them that much more scared.

Anyway, yeah, that's what JGY was doing here too. Sex is just a tool, not a necessity. Although I didn't want to include it in the notes in case like, that would ruin it for anyone(?!?!)

--

Another thing is is that I... actually did not have it in my notes to make NMJ Chief Cultivator. But when I killed off JGS, I was like, wait, now there needs to be a new Chief Cultivator??? But whom???? And like, of course because of canon my initial instinct was like, JGY. But then I was like, that makes literally no sense... but what about the other fucking main character of the story.

And, uh, yeah. That makes way more sense.

And my final major, major behind the scenes note is that magicites gave me the summary. Well - suggested it, the scene had already been written, but she was like, if you don't have a summary yet you should use this. And I did, but admittedly it was a weaker snippet and also got cut anyway, so I was like, yeah, that's a good idea.

Hilariously, I'm pretty sure it was the first scene I showed her while I was writing this.

[4:54 PM] arrow: but also have a bit of gaslighting, as a teaser:
[4:54 PM] arrow:
His hand slips on the cloth he’d been using to clean Baxia—right on the blade, against his skin.

Nie Mingjue notices, starting. “A-Yao,” he says, grabbing for his saber. “Let me clean Baxia, get yourself cleaned up—“

“Hm?” Jin Guangyao looks down at his hand, moving it along the cloth.

Where the blade had slid right along his skin is clean, unbroken.

Nie Mingjue blinks. He thought he saw a red line, where Baxia would slice right along his palm, a sliver of blood slipping out. “Are you okay?” he asks Jin Guangyao, who’s watching him strangely.

“Of course I am, Da-ge,” he says. “Are you?”
[4:58 PM] auxiliatrix: oooooo
[4:58 PM] auxiliatrix: OOOOOOOO
[4:59 PM] auxiliatrix: OH IM SO EXCITED

And now I bring you to the last part of this behind the scenes post... more hilarious chatlogs between magicites and me. Well -

Look, the thing about us discussing this story - about the premise of this story, why I wanted to write this story - is because it's fucking hilarious. Like, this is a borderline fixit fic. (Actually, magicites told me to use the "somewhat a fix-it fic" tag so you can blame all that on her LMAO.) JGS dies so they put off JZX's wedding. NMJ becomes Chief Cultivator. They're kind of testing the waters with the cultivation world by the time JZX gets married, and without his father being a dick about it, JZX can express his interest in inviting WWX to the wedding. Also, he's had more time to think about it, since his wedding here is actually about the time the one month anniversary would've been for Jin Ling in canon. And since it's his wedding, uh, handwaves the stuff about Jin Zixun and everything ([me voice, from writing bless my soul i'm losing control] Zixun probably still dies but fuck that guy), WWX gets to attend his sister's wedding, JZX and JYL lives, everyone's happy. No one sieges the Burial Mounds! WWX doesn't die!

Just, LXC and JGY die as a result of this. LMAO.

It's also just. Really fun writing horror and gore, I've discovered. Monster boy JGY! But anyway, lemme get into our chatlogs:

(Full disclosure: the "JGY gets possessed by a demon while in Langya" was actually all her idea. Also, the end - for those of you who know Jennifer's Body, you know Needy gets the demon powers at the end. So magicites also had the idea that JGY accidentally passing his powers onto NMJ - which, yes, I'm confirming he does - stops NMJ from qi deviating, especially since this is the scene that he is qi deviating - or, you know, would otherwise.)

[3:48 PM] arrow: I just think xy as Adam Brody is neat

[3:52 PM] auxiliatrix: so does jgy just do a coup by eating everyone
[3:53 PM] arrow: god
[3:55 PM] auxiliatrix: idk how much of canon you wanna follow
[3:56 PM] auxiliatrix: but i personally think jgy demon eating his way to becoming the jin sect leader is hilarious
[3:56 PM] auxiliatrix: the burial mounds never get sieged bc jgy ate jin zixuan
[3:56 PM] auxiliatrix: ...i’m sorry that’s a terrible sentence
[3:56 PM] arrow: GOSKGJAIGIAVKEKGOWIGUEJGJFKGKOEOGISIF
[3:57 PM] arrow: JELP

[4:21 PM] arrow: jgy eating lxc....
[4:21 PM] arrow: Vore

[4:25 PM] auxiliatrix: ok you know how in ur vampire fic hanguang juice box
[4:25 PM] auxiliatrix: what if jgy tries to make a zewu juice box
[4:25 PM] auxiliatrix: but can’t
[4:26 PM] arrow: GLSKGKSKGJSJFK
[4:26 PM] arrow: Like not murder him but just
[4:26 PM] arrow: Eat parts of him
[4:26 PM] arrow: At a time
[4:26 PM] arrow: ???
[4:26 PM] arrow: GKSKGJSJ
[4:27 PM] auxiliatrix: just a little nibble
[4:27 PM] auxiliatrix: his cultivation is high enough
[4:27 PM] auxiliatrix: he can heal
[4:27 PM] arrow: Definitely
[4:27 PM] arrow: He intends to but then....
[4:27 PM] arrow: zewu jun is just so tasty :pensive:
[4:29 PM] auxiliatrix: djdjdjd
[4:29 PM] auxiliatrix: is that when nmj is like oh he has to DIE
[4:29 PM] arrow: god
[4:29 PM] arrow: HMMMM
[4:29 PM] auxiliatrix: nmj: YOU ATE OUR BOYFRIEND
jgy: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

[4:30 PM] arrow: he comes back to jgy eating lxc slowly or something and is like wait hold up
[4:31 PM] auxiliatrix: i’m picturing like
[4:31 PM] auxiliatrix: wheb you go outside late at night and you catch a raccoon in ur trash
[4:31 PM] arrow: YEAH GIJGJjfjakfkFOSOF
[4:31 PM] auxiliatrix: jgys eyes glinting in the light
[4:31 PM] arrow: CRYING

[9:53 PM] arrow: you know how in jb needy is like
[9:54 PM] arrow: "she's evil not just high school evil"
[9:54 PM] arrow: i want someone to say "he's evil not just demonic cultivator evil"
[9:54 PM] arrow: about jgy
[9:54 PM] arrow: ideally, nmj
[9:54 PM] arrow: anyway just thought i'd share
[9:55 PM] auxiliatrix: oh
[9:55 PM] auxiliatrix: thats good
[9:55 PM] auxiliatrix: yeah hes evil but he's not like, you know, THAT FUCKING GUY [points to wei wuxian]
[9:55 PM] auxiliatrix: then the flashlight moves over jgy and he like
[9:55 PM] arrow: asidghasoighag
[9:55 PM] auxiliatrix: hides the arm hes eating behind his back
[9:55 PM] arrow: not evil at all :)
[9:57 PM] auxiliatrix: not at all
[9:57 PM] auxiliatrix: look at him
[9:57 PM] auxiliatrix: isnt he so cute? clearly not evil

[10:39 PM] arrow: jgy loses... Lxc loses... I guess by extension lwj loses a little
[10:39 PM] auxiliatrix: yeah
[10:39 PM] auxiliatrix: but all the women win!
[10:39 PM] arrow: and THATS what matters
[10:39 PM] auxiliatrix: and ill lose 500 xichens if it means the women get to win

[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: im going to the fuckin WOODS
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: IM FULL FERAL
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: i need a moment
[11:31 PM] arrow: you: consumes hands
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: oh my god
[11:31 PM] arrow: gaGALKSDJG
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: IM GONNA EAT MY OWN FUCKIN HANDS
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: THE END OF THE SCEEM
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: I
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[11:31 PM] auxiliatrix: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[11:31 PM] arrow: HEUEHEUEHEHE I WAS PROUD OF THAT
[11:32 PM] auxiliatrix: thats the sound u hear as i sprint on all fours to the woods
[11:32 PM] arrow: asdgohasdgashodgasdg
[11:32 PM] auxiliatrix: i live in a CITY
[11:32 PM] auxiliatrix: ITS A LOT OF SPRINTING

This HILARIOUS update I gave whilst writing:

[1:41 PM] arrow: a) this fic is turning obscenely long (it's longer than my actual yuletide fic which has made it officially Too Long) b) and it's reading like a fixit fic which is amusing me way too much
[1:42 PM] auxiliatrix: that is so funny to me
[1:42 PM] auxiliatrix: sometimes a fix it fic involves turning jgy into a people eating sex demon
[1:52 PM] arrow: and good for him!
[1:52 PM] arrow: he's about to eat his dad
[1:52 PM] auxiliatrix: oh good!

Anyway Uh Yeah after the whole editing process and cutting out a BUNCH of stuff - but of course, also adding a lot of stuff in - it now sits at a mid 19k. Which is wild. I don't actually think I've ever written anything else in the 19k range.

Also, gaslighting is really fun to write. That was actually my main takeaway from this.